Nothing much new about here, i have been working on a few designs which are not quite finished with yet as im not sure in what direction i want to take them, so when i do finish with them i will upload,
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i am currently in the process of editing my new book titled "hope and fear" i have no set date on when this will be released, but looking at sometime in the next month but i will post when i have accomplished the edits and formatting. it has been a long process because basically i wasnt happy with the cover for it so have re designed the look i think 3 or 4 times lol and i think i have finally found what i was looking for, well wait and see if you guys think the same.
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i have been busy with my camera checking out all the features and just basically discovering what i can really achieve from it, i have done some new photos with people as my subjects in both colour and black and white, and i will be talking to the people involved and i hope all going well and they approve then i might put some up on the site for people to check out, i will keep you updated in that though, because the people involved may not want to be up on here. :)
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not much on the news front here in christchurch nz, except i cant tell you i am truely over living in an earthquake zone, we had a good one that rocked us about midnight last night, so the nerves were a little sot for a half hour maybe, but feeling better today, i think because we have lived through so many in the last 3 years, im not quite as jumpy with them as i first was, but i think mother nature enjoys keeping everyone on their toes, and to remind us thats its not quite over yet. one day soon we hope.
on the personal front, i am continuing to play indoor netball twice a week thats going well. work is good, i am almost through my first year as a supervisor of my building and my boss told me the other day that in all our companies through the whole of new zealand, my building is making good profit, so i got to be happy about that, works wraps up soon, in about 3 and a half weeks to be exact and after that i have a month and a half off, its good in hindsight, but the downside to working in a school, is not working means no pay, but it will work out, well i hope so anyhow.
- to tell you i have struggled would be an understatement, i have struggled with almost everything,
i have not written much since my first book was published and a lot of my problem i think stems back to self doubt, i understand that poetry is not everyones idea of a good time, but i thought that i might sell more than 2 copies, its hard to keep mtivated when i seem to be the only one in my corner. with that being said, i shouldnt use that as an issue but its what my minds partially comes back to.
i am filled with self doubt in every aspect of my life, i mean im not going anywhere, i have a job not a career, i never match up to the expectations everyone sets, i never have, i like to be an individual in almost everything i do, i believe in not changing who i am for anybody, but sometimes i start to wonder why, i mean its not really getting me anywhere, or helping me at all, it just ends up being me all alone to c=bare my own company, which dont get me wrong i love, but sometimes it leads for a very lonely life. sometimes a small part of you wants to be seen, well by anyone really.
i dont completely understand what is going through me, i am just so mad, mat at the world, mad at me, its kinda sad really, but i wake up every day, i have to i guess.
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